I want to talk about how the brain works. The two parts of the brain we will talk about today are going to be the Frontal Lobe, which is your forehead and the Limbic Brain, which is that bump on the back of your head. If you put your hand on the back of your head, you’ll feel a bump. This is the Limbic Brain, and this is our flight or fight, flight, or freeze brain. The frontal lobe is your executive brain, where we make decisions. That’s where we can decide what the right answer is. We can use the Frontal Lobe to figure things out to process information.
What happens when we are under stress or worried that our child will not do well, we can put our children into their Limbic Brain by raising our voice or are in an overly demanding state. This Limbic Brain cannot think. The only thing it can do is react. We need to stay safe, so it’s a wonderful brain when we want to stop our children from crossing the street, and we want to save them from danger. But when they feel under pressure, when we are demanding of them, they go into this fight, flight or freeze brain and cannot think.
When you raise your voice, you may have noticed they get a startled look on their face, and they can’t move. You’re saying, “I told you to go to your room,” and they’re standing there and they’re not moving. You say again even louder, “I told you to go to your room!” And the more we do that, what happens is that they’re in that fight, flight or freeze brain and do not move. This can happen when they are going to go take a test they can look at the paper and think, “Oh, no! I don’t know the right answer.”
So what we want to do to help them to be in their Frontal Lobe, their thinking brain. Here is what we can do to get ourselves and them into the thinking brain. We just need to breathe – to take a deep breath.
Do it for yourself right now. Take a deep breath. You’ll feel the energy go from the back of your head – Limbic Brain to the Frontal Lobe – forehead. And now when you’re in your frontal lobe, you can actually think. Kids, too. They can be in their executive brain, where they can plan and think and decide.
As a child, I had struggles learning. I had dyslexia, learning disabilities, and all sorts of stuff was going on. What I was taught which has been very helpful is to take what you know and use it.
So when your child looks at a question on the test, they can take a deep breath and look at the answers and think, “Which one do I know about? What do I know about the answer?
So depending, of course, on what level they’re at and what they’re studying, encourage them to look for something they DO know. Now they can relax and be in their Frontal Lobe thinking. When they panic and focus on what they do not know…. Then they are in their Limbic brain and cannot think. When they focus on what they do know, that unlocks their brain… “Oh, I know that!” Now your brain is thinking mode, it’s out of fight or flight and it’s into your thinking brain.
But when they look at a question and say, ” I don’t know; I don’t know. What happens if I can’t answer it?!”, now they’re spending all that time back in their Limbic Brain, instead of breathing in and saying, “What do I know. What piece of this question, can I find that I have an answer to?”
With a clear mind, they now can sort it out.“Well, I know A is wrong because __________. C does not make sense. So the answer must be B.”
So, with your children and with yourselves, when you get in a situation where you’re feeling panicked, what you want to do is breathe. Scientifically, you’re going to go from the Limbic Brain to the Frontal Lobe – thinking brain.
At this time of testing, they need you to be at your calmest. They need you to be at your most trusting; have the most belief in them; be your most encouraging and so allowing them the space to be able to have time to study, allowing them to do it in their way, at their pace is important.
And you being calm, taking a deep breath and saying, “Well I know that you make good decisions for yourself. I see how clever, inventive, imaginative you are.” Describing them this way you will TAG them for Success with their Talents, Abilities, and Gifts. When they are struggling, you can encourage them by reminding them how they can use their creativity. “You’re an artist. How can you use your creativity and figuring out how to solve that problem for that question today?” or “You’re the scientist, you love to do experiments. What could you be looking at in the questions that can help you figure it out, just like you did the other day, when you were able to open that jar for me, you were able to solve the problem?”
So talk about their problem solving; talk about where they’re capable, creative, inventive, imaginative, solution-finding. Keep them in their thinking brain and out of their Limbic Brain by speaking to them calmly and focusing on what is right and good.
On whatever level they’re learning, focus on what they’re doing right. When they bring home a test or homework, look at all the questions that they got right. On the ones that they struggled with, you could say, “You got this number four, right. What was different about number two that made it difficult for you to get that answer?” Really listen to what they say. Really listen to whatever it is that they tell you and help them to use whatever they used on question four, to see how they could use that solution for a question two.
During testing time, keep kids as calm as possible. Have them breathing, focusing on what they do know about the question. Remind them to “Take what they know and use it” because that will relax them. They’ll go into their thinking brain and they will be able to solve the problem.
When they’re not responding to you when you’re disciplining them, listen to the quality of your voice. Listen to what you’re asking them and take a deep breath and say it in a way where they can hear you. Rather than mentioning all the things you do not want, simply, ask for what you want. “It’s time to go to bed.” “It’s time to take care of the dishes.” Then they can be in their thinking brain and come up with a problem-solving solution and take care of business.